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Garden Gnome Attack!

East Coast leader spotted in Buffalo, New York

My name is Leslie and I am a garden bookaholic. I love garden essays, garden how-to books, garden magazines, books about the reasons people garden, books about specific plants. So when Chuck Sambuchino offered me a review copy of his new book I was happy to say “Yes, please!”

My copy of How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack arrived last week and this past weekend, down and out with a cold, I curled up, began to read and became very scared. I own a garden gnome, painted by my grandmother, and happily (I thought) living in my garden for almost thirty years. Now I wonder what he’s been planning…and what I might do to placate him.

Harmless or patient?

Of course, now that I’ve read Mr. Sambuchino’s book I will be ready if he does go rogue…after all, the subtitle to this informative missive is Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (and They Will).

From assessing your level of risk and recognizing suspicious behavior to gnomeproofing techniques and the ten tips that can save your life this book covers all you need to know in the battle against lawn gnomes. A personal account from a survivor of a garden gnome attack will have you on the edge of your seat and rushing to assemble your arsenal of recommended weapons. The reasons why certain things like firearms and flamethrowers are not recommended will control those of us who might overreact a tad.

Helpful photos illustrate things such as the safe way to retrieve mail from your mailbox, what your quicksand pit should look like and examples of gnome communications using stone arrangements.

While some recommendations such as digging a moat around your house and sleeping with your shoes on might make your family and friends begin to question trusting you with sharp objects, you can rest assured that you will not be the next sorry soul to fall victim to these sneaky characters.

Interspersed throughout you’ll find gnomenclature…some common English idioms that are actually related to garden gnome encounters. Who knew??!

Caught in the act

If you are still unconvinced I leave you with this photo of a shop window I took  last year in Schaffhausen, Switzerland. At the time I thought it was cute. After reading this eye-opening book I see it for what it really was…gnomes organizing their next attack…right in front of our eyes!

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